Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
