Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Randomize
