nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
