Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
worst night to have a conscience
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize