My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
