she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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