For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
