I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
