i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Randomize
