bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
