She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
organizing the empties. That sober.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
