he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
