somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
