I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
