I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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