Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
