Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
