so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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