So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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