Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
i believe in u and ur pee
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