When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
