I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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