3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
