He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
