You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
