I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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