So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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