my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
