Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Green mimosas i think yes
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
