True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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