I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
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