my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
