HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
