She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
