i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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