I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize