Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I love having hate sex.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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