see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
