I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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