I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize