I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
