I accidentally burped into my bong.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
