Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
