Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
