just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
