I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
