just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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