My nipple is on Facebook.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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