she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
