Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize