i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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