Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize