wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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