I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
