My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
