Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
