checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Never let your siblings swipe right.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
