woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
