yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
