im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
