if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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