the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
