I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
no. you can't hotbox the world.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize