Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Randomize
