Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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