She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
