brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
We're like a lot better than the average bears
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
