I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Semen is not good for contacts.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
