Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
